I am an Adult…

I was struck by something significant this year on Thanksgiving day. I was busy in the kitchen for the second day in a row and it hit me, I am an adult. I know this sounds crazy; especially being that I am 46 years old and have hosted family Thanksgivings in my home for several years now. But, the thought truly stopped me in my tracks. When did this happen? When did I become responsible enough to prepare Thanksgiving? In fact, when exactly did I become so responsible in general?

You see, it seems like just yesterday that I was a kid in my Aunt Mary’s kitchen, watching her prepare her famous Thanksgiving dressing. I was completely unaware of the responsibility circling around her. The thought truly never crossed my mind as I watched my Aunt that I would host Thanksgiving in my own home for my own family one day.

That same precocious child who always dreamt of being a mom never considered the responsibility of motherhood. It never occurred to me that I would one day fumble through the teenage years, making difficult decisions about another human beings’ future with the weight of that responsibility often making me weak in my knees.

I am an adult. When did this happen? When did all of this responsibility show up? Who in their right mind would put me in charge of Thanksgiving? Does God really think that I have what it takes to raise a child?

The smattering of grey hair, the fine lines around my eyes, the awareness of time not just marching but sprinting on baffles me. When did I become an adult?

You see, often God is preparing us so efficiently that we don’t even realize the significant changes occurring around us. We are so busy with the task of living that we don’t pay attention to the shifts in roles and responsibility. And when we are children, we definitely take for granted all the things people are doing to keep our lives moving along. We have no idea that responsibility even exists.

It’s no wonder that Jesus tells us to approach the kingdom of heaven like little children. You see, children are not tainted by the weight of responsibility. They admire heaven, Jesus and the world around them with innocent abandon and blissful faith.

So, maybe the realization that I am an adult was God’s way of whispering to me to let go and approach life like a child. Maybe it was his way of assuring me that I can handle it all by remembering that I am simply a child being guided by her Father. The responsibility is actually His and my role is to be an obedient daughter, faithful and trusting.

When did I become an adult? Well that happened all while I was yet a child in my Father’s eyes.

Be joyful!

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:2‭-‬3 NIV

The Story of Us…

I have to admit that I met my husband on-line, on Christian Mingle to be exact. I signed up for a one month membership and decided that I would give it a try during the month of June in 2009. I was coming out of a time of major healing in my life. I will write more about that some other time. But, it is important to point out that I was in a good place. I was working for a church full-time that I loved in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. For the first time in a long time, I was within a two hour drive to my parents summer home at that time. (They have since moved to that home year round.)

One of my areas of responsibility at the church was the youth group. I had taken a small group of high school girls to my parents house for a weekend retreat near the end of June.  One of the exercises that we did that weekend was to write down an area of our lives that we were going to release to God. Truly let Him have control over it. Hand it over and not look back. I had purchased a gold box for each girl to place their entry in and we made our way down to the Greenbrier river which runs behind my parents house. We each took a moment to write and then we placed it in the gold box. I encouraged the girls to keep the box as a reminder that God was now in complete control of this part of their lives.

The area of my life that I wrote about that day went something like this. ” Father, I am satisfied in my life. I place my love life in your hands. I am surrounded by children in my current role at the church and I am satisfied. So, if it is not in your Will for me to be a mom. That is okay too. I give both areas to you.”

A couple of days later, a profile popped up on Christian Mingle and something about it made me take a look. It was a profile for a man in Texas (I had visited Texas only once before when I helped with a National Youth Gathering). He wrote about losing his wife to cancer a couple of years earlier. And he wrote about his seven year old daughter with such tenderness. I remember vividly that he said that he knew that God had someone special in mind for him and his daughter. But, until God placed that woman in his life, he would continue to figure out how to do his daughter’s hair with those tiny hair bands. He had me. Hook. Line. Sinker. I winked at him and we married exactly six months later to that day. My heart desire for a Godly husband and to be a mom was fulfilled in the “wink” of an eye.

Some times we have to truly give up before God can do His best work, which requires us to let go with both hands, not hold a piece of it back. We can’t keep one hand on it, so that we can grab it back as quickly as we give it up. Faith in our Father means being content right where He has you and trusting that He is faithful and will fulfill His promises in your life. It is unbridled trust that His timing is perfect and His will is better. And when He comes through with the blessing, you then grab a hold of it with both hands and thank Him every day for it!

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14 NIV